I can bend and not break.  Or I can break and take it with a smile.

Just bend the pieces till they fit, like they were made for this.  But they weren’t made for this.  No, they weren’t made for this.
-Dashboard Confessional

Dear Mom and Dad,
Do you know how it feels to be me? To be set up for failure by my own parents? To know that I will never receive the love and affection that my siblings do? Do you know how it feels? Do you know that I hurt myself when you act like you don't love me? Do you know that I strive to be the best so that maybe you'll notice? Do you know that I am tired of living like this? Do you know that I love you and that I would do anything to make you love me? I bet you don't because if you did maybe my life wouldn't be in the shambles it is. Maybe I could rely on you to comfort me, and to hold me when I'm breaking. Maybe my life would be happier and I would be better. But instead here I am, crying because no ones loves me. Screaming because the pain of it hurts far too much. And wishing that it would be over quickly. What did I do to deserve this? I can honestly say that I didn't mean to do this. I just want what everybody else has. I want to know that at any given moment in my life, there will be at least 2 people who love me unconditionally. But fairy tales don't exist and wishes don't come true. So I guess I will quit holding my breath and waiting around for you.


Today, I realized the people that smile and laugh the most are the ones who are suffering the most.
Because laughter isn't only the best medicine, it's also the best disguise.
I should know, of all people.

I have inflicted so much pain upon myself that I can't take it any longer. Tonight I am hurting like crazy trying to get him to wake up. I need someone right now to lean on. I am afraid to lean on anyone else because he told me not to, and I don't want another fight. But I need someone. I just wish he would wake up and save me. Save me from myself. I have been trying to act like I am getting better but the truth of the matter is that I am not getting better. I am getting worse. I feel like crap 9 out of 10 days. I have been crying myself to sleep every night. It is pathetic. I hate my life and I need an escape right now. But no one is here to rescue me. I guesss its just another sleepless night.