Be Here

12/21/2010

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Oh she wants to get in,
and she wants to get out.
And the city, it calls her name.
And the scars that she hides,
with those stars in her eyes,
like the echos they're all the same.

Cause its all been done before,
Yes its all been done before...

And oh, you can let this one go
but when the sun doesn't show
I want you to be here.
And oh, now the stars never shine,
and the streets are all tired,
I want you to be here.

Oh she's sick of this town,
and the rain that falls down,
But her pride just wont let her see.
That when she swears that she's made,
and the heart that won't break,
she's dead but she still believes...



I never wanted to be this hurt. I never dreamed that someone this close to the real me would be the one to hurt me. But that is what happens when you put your trust into someone undeserving. She has hit me. Has made me bleed. Has locked me in closets. Has made me pass out from pain. Has left bruises on me. But she has also covered her tracks. I used to believe that she was all I had. She was my very best friend. But now I know that she is the only thing I never want to become. If I ever lay a hand on my little sister I will kill myself. I am the do no harm type of person. So why is it that people harm me the most? I don't know the answer but I do know that I will never rely on her ever again. He is always there for me. He has loved me from day one. I have lusted after him for 2 years. He has held my hand while I have cried and he has lied and said I looked beautiful without makeup. I love him. Always have and always will. I love him because he will always be here. 
--Be Here-Parachute--
 
 
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try



My beliefs are just that, mine. Maybe you have different ones but that doesn't mean I have any right to say anything. And I expected the same from you. I believe in God. I pray. I read the bible. Maybe not as much as you but I still do. I can worship him from where I am comfortable and you should respect that. I know I gave religion up 2 years ago, and you should probably know that the only reason I am not atheist anymore is because of you. You gave me something to believe in. You made me feel like I was worth something more. And because of you I gave God a second chance. So maybe instead of pushing me further you should give me breathing room. I have made a lot of changes for you, appreciate that and except that some changes are too drastic for right now in my life. 


--Losing My Religion-R.E.M.--
 
 
Should've kissed you there 
I should've held your face 
I should've watched those eyes 
Instead of run in place 
I should've called you out 
I should've said your name 
I should've turned around 
I should've looked again 
But ohh, 
I'm staring at the mess I made 
I'm staring at the mess I made 
I'm staring at the mess I made 
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

I'm so frustrated at this point. Why wouldn't I just walk away right now? This isn't healthy anymore. I thought this would be good for us and it's turning out to be more hazardous that helpful. This hurts. I can't stand too much pain anymore. I have waited patiently for everything to get better but now I can't see anything but the bad and it is scaring me.


--The Mess I Made-Parachute--
 
 
Subtle and grace
Desperate for change
My hand moves away
Melt dry eyes for days
Something's not right
Smiles and tantrums
Hit the ground running
It's all over and been done
I wonder when
I wonder I'll find...

I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer
I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer I already know

What happens next?
We'll stop and go
The promises has already run cold
So now you know
So now you know




It is never the same without you. I don't think you are even vaguely aware of how much you affect me. But its fine. I don't need a knight in shining armor. I am not a damsel in distress. I am perfectly fine without a guy. But having you around makes my life more bearable. I love you but you need to realize that sometimes love isn't enough to save something that is already ruined.




-The Answer-Automatic Loveletter-
 
 
Little Miss Down On Love
Little Miss I Give Up
Little Miss I'll Get Tough
Don't you worry 'bout me anymore

Little Miss Checkered Dress
Little Miss One Big Mess
Little Miss I'll Take Less
When I Always Give So Much More

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again




Life isn't always the fairy tale we expect. We have big disappointments and little rewards. Lately that has been what my life reflects. My grades were great and then they weren't. I haven't done anything good for anyone lately and this sucks. Life is just on a downward spiral.

--Little Miss-Sugarland--
 
 
I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash
Never one, we got the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the blues
It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away



I don't ever want to drift away. I don't want this love to fade. I am scared to death that I won't be enough to make him stay. If he does leave, I think I will be able to survive. I feel like he is the biggest part of my life but at the same time if I am not enough for him then it is his loss. Hopefully time will tell and I pray I will be wrong.
--The One That Got Away- Katy Perry--
 

Unhappy

12/08/2010

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well she's gone when i awake
left a letter
saying everything was a mistake
and i'm alone
but it's alright, cause i understand
i could tell everything's not fine
it's never alright
to push away
i'm not as blind as you may think
and i'm tired of all that is
and i know that this time
it's not all in my head



I may never be perfect enough for your parents, or even mine. But what gets me through the night is knowing that I have always been good enough for you. That's all that matters. I'm sorry that I have been rather unhappy lately. It's hard trying to measure up to my older sister. I hate the comparisons between us because they cause me and her to drift apart and begin to hate each other. We have always had to compete against each other and I am done competing. I never win because it isn't a fair fight. I love you baby. Thank you for being everything I need and everything that is safe. I don't want to imagine a single day without you. 

--Unhappy-Thriving Ivory--
 
 
We're too far out we're in too deep
And we've got miles to go before we can sleep
I said, we've been walking a thin line
You've got one hand on the devil baby and one hand in mine
But don't let go no it's not too late you know

Hold on we're gonna make it if it takes all night
Hearts racing like a rocket at the speed of light
Don't fight it we've been running for far too long
We're going back where we belong
So hold on we got our wings and we're chasing the wind
Farewell to all the places that we have been
And if it takes us all night long
We're going back where we belong

So we'll build temples in our heads
When we've grown frail and all our bones are of lead
We've been walking a winding road
Let's go, no footsteps to follow baby and no signs to guide us home
Don't let go, no it's not too late you know

Hold on we're gonna make it if it takes all night
Hearts racing like a rocket at the speed of light
Don't fight it we've been running for far too long
We're going back to where we belong
So hold on we got our wings and we're chasing the wind





I just want to hold you close to me. I just want to be yours forever. Why is life been so unfair towards us. I hate it. 

--Where We Belong-Thriving Ivory--
 

My Heart

12/03/2010

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I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please


I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is your's
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart, my heart is your's


These past couple of days have just about killed me. I hated not being able to stop everything that has been happening. I hate this nonsense. It is ridiculous. I hate it. My life is slowly going downhill and he doesn't understand how much I need him. But its fine because soon enough he will realize. 

--My Heart-Paramore--
 
 
Ive got to save this night
Got to get my head on right for you
Im falling off sideways
Ever since I saw your face
I thought a lot about my place in here
Im nothing but ordinary
Every dream in my head
Every word that ive read
Everything that Ive thought
Thought but I should’ve said
All the things that Ive done
All the races Ive run
Comes to together in one
But I don’t know yet, I don’t know yet
I don’t know what’s to come
You make every part of me
Stand up and fight
To save the whole world
Turn what’s dark into light
You make every part of me
Want to do more
To save the whole world
Be the one you adore
The more time that passes by
It all becomes much clearer why you are
Different from everyone
This world confuses me
But ever since the fuse in me has lit
I’ve wondered what I could do

It’s the way you are





--Save The World-SkyRocket Love--