It' s the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centripical motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's, ah, impossible
This kiss, this kiss, unstoppable
This kiss, this kiss





Most definitely fell in love with you all over again, last night. I don't consider you to be my boyfriend. I consider you to be my everything. Can we just skip ahead to the part where we wind up happily married with a baby on the way that we will name Victoria Grace? I just want something that only you can give me. And I know that only you can give me total happiness and complete love. I want to lay beside you and sleep in your arms. I want to wake up next to you and kiss you awake. I just want you. Simply stated. I love you babe. And everyday I love you more and more.
 
 

Everything will be okay
Everything will be alright
I know that it will go my way
If you stay my baby (stay my baby)
I'm never gonna give you up
I'm never gonna have enough
So now 'til forever
Stay my baby (stay my baby)





Just so you know, I dream about you almost every night. It's silly little dreams that only only mean a lot to me. But they are all about you. I want to always dream about you. Because even though we haven't seen each other in two weeks, all I see when I close my eyes is your face.  It's the best thing in the world. I want to just breathe you in and hug you. Hopefully I will get to soon!:)
 
 
Breath taker, mistake maker, yes my baby. I love you for all you're not and all you can be. Never regret anything we share because it will always mean more. You are my miracle and I won't give you up for the world. I know lately we have been through so much for us, but it has made us so much stronger. I love you for your mistakes and for your perfections. In my eyes your mistakes make you perfect. Never be afraid to show yourself. I love the real you. Fabrication is not appealing. :* I want to kiss you for the rest of my life. Nothing short of the rest of my life. 
 
 
Just as bad as yesterday. Maybe worse, I hate my life and I wish someone would end it. I am a coward. I don't have the strength to end it myself. I am streched too thin. Parents, boyfriend, friend, best friend, sister, they all want a different me. I can't please all of you at once. Please forgive me. I am in so much pain and I wish the pain and suffering in my life would just end.
 
 
You tried to make me think
That the blame was all on me
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that
It's not me, it's you, it's not me, it's you
Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things
You say and do, it's you
It's not me, it's you
All the lies and pain you put me through
I know that it's not me, it's you, you, you
It's not me, it's you, you
So here we go again
The same fight we're always in
I don't care so why pretend?
Wake me when your lecture ends
You tried to make me small
Make me fall and it's all your fault
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that

I know that you lied. And it's tearing me apart. Why was she that important that you had to lie about it? You say it was nothing but you hiding it means it was more than "nothing". So I wonder if this is even worth it to you. Because honestly I have NEVER lied to you. I have nothing to hide. You know absolutely everything about me. Why don't I deserve that from you? You are hurting me. You're hurting us. And I hate to sound rude but, it's not me it's you. Decide today whether or not I should be let in on all of your secrets because you get today and after today I walk away from you. For good.


 
 
I wanted it to end. So I tried early this morning. I tried my hardest to draw blood. To swallow pills. To suffocate. But somehow everytime I came close to going through with it, I saw your face. You're this wonderful creature that I can't describe properly. I love you. And if being with you requires me living through this hell, well then I will. I just want to be your Missus. Forever and Always. It is how God wants it.
 
 
Just kill me now. Please. I can't compare to her obviously. I wish you had thought I was good enough back then, maybe we could have been together this whole time. But the truth is I tested you to see if I was important enough that you would do anything to hold on to me. I wasn't though. Just go back to her if you want it. I won't give it up and it is time for you to understand. I am not comfortable being like this. It isn't me. I am not blaming you for it, please don't think so, I just can't handle my feelings anymore. If I cheated, lied, and hurt you maybe I could but the truth of the matter is, I love you more than I love anyone else. And if that means letting you go well I guess goodbye. I can't measure up to her, somehow I don't think I ever could. So please just say yourself some trouble and give up trying to change me. I was happy the way you found me. And I'm unhappy in how you will leave me.
 
 
I reach out to you. I blurt that I am doing destructive things yet again. I try to find a safe place within your arms. But instead of holding me close, you walk away. This burden is not yours to carry apparently. I don't want to blame you for it but I do. I love you more than I love myself. And its killing me to know that you don't want a broken me.
 
 
It was homecoming. And then it wasn't.  And now I regret alot more than I should. Why do we do things in the heat of the moment? I am trying to understand. If its right at one moment then why do you feel like its wrong as soon as its over? I just regret how people got treated and things that happened. I regret feeling confused about my relationship. I love him. I love him. Just so the entire world knows. I miss him more today because I can honestly say spending so much time with him last night made me love him more. Its not over. Its just beginning(: Which makes my melancholy atmosphere slighty better.
 

Mess

10/02/2010

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Failure. Thats what lately has felt like in my life. I can't seem to accomplish simple tasks. I make one person happy to only disappoint many more. It hurts so much when I disappoint so many I love but I guess thats just life. Which sucks majorly. At least to me.